Indifferent..

Todays actually a good day, last night i got home and my young un had a letter from school informing me that an educational psychologist had tried to assess her yesterday, but couldnt as i hadnt given written authorisation... and assuming i did that she will be assessed on Friday. This is excellent news considering at the end of last year i was told there was no point referring her to one as there is a big waiting list and it will take over a year .... so i wrote to the director of my local education authority requesting a formal assessment, which they declined but made a recommendation that she is seen by a Ed Psy asap... and bingo now she is... so im happy about that, we will know whats going on for sure soon. Talking to my daughter i said we will find out "what is wrong", well its not wrong is it.. so i said i dont mean wrong but to find out why you have difficult reading and writing..... and she responded... "thats simple, it'd because my brain works sideways!" which is how i described it to her when we started pushing for further assessment... god she fills me up with so much love.....

The uber still hasnt been in touch.. well it has only been 2 days and this is nothing out of the normal.... but it did make me think a little last night and this is why i dont like the current situation. As it stands i dont know even if he wants to see me or not, so im questioning myself, am i that bad.. fat/ugly insert appropriate negative thought.... that he doesnt want to see me.... if he wanted to then surely he would be in touch sooner right? But what amazes me is how i turn it around and it becomes my problem.. the problem is with me, not the fact that he's a cunt and tends not to respond very quickly, for him this is normal... we've discussed it, he has said to me i need to chase him up as he's rubbish.. i hate chasing guys up, i dont wanna see someone if they dont wanna see me, it makes me feel desperate it really does and i dont like that feeling one bit. Anyway regardless of him and whats happening.. i need to work on that..... not to take things personal, its not a fault on my side. its their problem... NOT mine..

I met a switch on sunday and he seems to be interested... im meeting an american tonight, talking to a 26 year old, what for god only bloody knows, im talking to loads of people and no one intrests me... not greatly at any rate.... i dont have the inclination really to do anything much with any of them... i need to get the uber completely out of my system but while he is there im finding it difficult to move on to find someone more suited to me... the switch is nice however, but i think if it went on to anything it would be more nilla than anything.. maybe this is what i need, to turn this world back into fun rather than being so bloody serious with it all the soddin time... right now that is sounding like a good call.... but still there is something in me that wants the one who doesnt want me.... there is something about that, the knowing he doesnt give a toss if i come or go.... emotional masochism isnt constructive... it makes me doubt myself, and with a dodgy self esteem that is probably not a good thing. I give him way to much credit and think that he does this purposefully to wind me up, it bloody works... but truth be known i dont think he does... i do really think its more just because he is an uber cunt rather than the uber dom i like to think he is!!