Im not so sure about this one.... i feel anxious about what worked well and what didnt... i felt like he didnt really enjoy it that much.... i did just wade in and there was a fair bit of sexual contact and lots of kissing ... lots and lots of kissing.... i dunno.
I guess my negative feelings are due to him starting off depressed and he really wasnt in a happy mood so that kinda slanted the headspace of it all.... anyway we played we both came and then i left... i left feeling hungry and im physically exhausted... my mood is feeling flat too.... not sure why, if its due to me being knackered..... or not entirely happy with todays events. Maybe a good night sleep will sort me out.
Tuesday, 26 January 2010
Wednesday, 13 January 2010
Happy new year
I know i havent posted in here for a while, i am rubbish at doing these things but this is made especially hard because you can no longer copy and paste word documents in to here.... so i need to keep this window open and as i tend to do this while im at work its difficult.
Anywaaaaaaaaaaay.... i also have got a bit fed up with on line recently, im finding it very boring... i think its because i have other things to be thinking about.
My mood and things have pretty much been good until 11th ... the male client of the uber contacted me again.... i wish he wouldnt.... he doesnt talk to me for ages then out of the blue i get a message... i havent thought about the uber.... till then... i went on his site and looked at his pictures.... i didnt feel anything... but that night i didnt sleep well, i didnt sleep well last night either... im not sure why if im honest... it could be linked, or it may not be.
I met Art (when you spell check his real name kain comes up too :-$) again last night.... we were supposed to meet at 7 near me as he was in london... but his appointment took two hours longer than he expected anyway we got to spend a couple of hours together.... i put pebbles in his shoes and made him walk... when he was in the car he stroked my hair and as we walked he put his arm around me... it feels right, though i do feel a bit self conscious... im not sure why..
In the pub i ask him to plug himself and he does.... i sit with my chair legs on his feet and try to apply pressure.... we just look in to each others eyes and kiss....i stroke his arm.... it all just feels so nice.... though something and im really not sure what feels a tad awkward.... i know he feels the same... he tells me so.. he's so attentive asking why i couldnt have messaged him year ago when i first saw his profile.... he likes being in my company.... im so beautiful.... maybe hes just talking a right load of shit but it feels so god damn nice... i can hand on heart say i go to bed thinking of things i can do to him.... i crave him... he sets my imagination off like no one else has ever done before.
My problem now is trying not to get insecure within the 'relationship', doing my usual insecure bollox.... fretting when he doesnt contact..... he said he wants to see me as soon as possible.... he'll be sending dates he can do.... plus i will be seeing him on 28th when hes doing the gig in camden.... but its difficult seeing him and not being able to have him.... i think some of that is the massive appeal for me too.... being so attracted to him being able to have him to a limited degree but not being able to have the whole of him... fuck it drives me insane with passion.. wanting and lusting..... everything about it is sooo perfect.... please let my insecurity not fuck it up.
Anywaaaaaaaaaaay.... i also have got a bit fed up with on line recently, im finding it very boring... i think its because i have other things to be thinking about.
My mood and things have pretty much been good until 11th ... the male client of the uber contacted me again.... i wish he wouldnt.... he doesnt talk to me for ages then out of the blue i get a message... i havent thought about the uber.... till then... i went on his site and looked at his pictures.... i didnt feel anything... but that night i didnt sleep well, i didnt sleep well last night either... im not sure why if im honest... it could be linked, or it may not be.
I met Art (when you spell check his real name kain comes up too :-$) again last night.... we were supposed to meet at 7 near me as he was in london... but his appointment took two hours longer than he expected anyway we got to spend a couple of hours together.... i put pebbles in his shoes and made him walk... when he was in the car he stroked my hair and as we walked he put his arm around me... it feels right, though i do feel a bit self conscious... im not sure why..
In the pub i ask him to plug himself and he does.... i sit with my chair legs on his feet and try to apply pressure.... we just look in to each others eyes and kiss....i stroke his arm.... it all just feels so nice.... though something and im really not sure what feels a tad awkward.... i know he feels the same... he tells me so.. he's so attentive asking why i couldnt have messaged him year ago when i first saw his profile.... he likes being in my company.... im so beautiful.... maybe hes just talking a right load of shit but it feels so god damn nice... i can hand on heart say i go to bed thinking of things i can do to him.... i crave him... he sets my imagination off like no one else has ever done before.
My problem now is trying not to get insecure within the 'relationship', doing my usual insecure bollox.... fretting when he doesnt contact..... he said he wants to see me as soon as possible.... he'll be sending dates he can do.... plus i will be seeing him on 28th when hes doing the gig in camden.... but its difficult seeing him and not being able to have him.... i think some of that is the massive appeal for me too.... being so attracted to him being able to have him to a limited degree but not being able to have the whole of him... fuck it drives me insane with passion.. wanting and lusting..... everything about it is sooo perfect.... please let my insecurity not fuck it up.
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