Cor blimey..

is it only me that finds the days are going so quick?

This week has been a rather interesting one, i have not been to the gym since monday as i quite simply have just been too busy to do so. Was going to go today but couldnt be arsed, im off out tonight anyway and im on quite heavily so yanno all in all.... i'll let myself off, i have been eating well though but finding the temptation to snack at night time too much!! I need something to suppress my appetite!!

Im off to the doctor tonight ot discuss my blood test results, im really starting to believe that maybe i am peri menopausal and im not happy about it. But i seem to have been flushing and im not sure if its that or just because im bloody warm.... im becoming neurotic completely looking for signs of something or the other. Im just sad that essentially im in the prime of my life and my body is trying to cut it dead. Though my sister assures me that some women get worse when they are heading for the memopause... here's hoping :o) I also told my sister about the corset and apparently she thinks it could well be that and that i have to watch the rest of my internal organs blah blah blah.... yes i know.

On the male front.... conkord has been back in touch couple of times now, last week he messaged saying "hello my cunt......" i just responded by saying "your cunt?......PMSL" and that was the end of that, which was cool by me... anyway this week he messaged me instructing me to ring him, so what the hell i did..... i do like his voice ;o)
Apparently i push his buttons and he cant always finds himself wanting to come back to me...... yeah well join the queue..... does he not know who i am... anyway i gave him cheek, as i do..... and we've kinda agreed that we will see each other again, he wanted to see me tonight but i no can do as im already out... im not letting him stroll into my life when it suits him, yes very submissive i know... but its not like im his. So in a fortnight.... lets see if it happens... in the mean time im keeping busy!

Talking to a couple of other guys...... one from brighton is really ticking boxes for me..... even though he is a bisexual switch, greedy fecker.... supposed to be meeting someone on sunday, another switch.... all these bloody switches, they get everywhere...

I havent messaged the pro...... i had a moment this week where i actually nearly cried.... i was thinking about him and how crap at communication he is and that if he blah....... i need to keep him in his box, but the problem for me is that i need to develop a mental connection/attachment with whom i submit/play with... and i have done that to him, created this sense of ownership when in reality there just isnt one.... why should i do this to someone who really just dont give a fuck about you. I know when im there he implies he is and wants me to go back, but im a girl and we read to much into things. People have advised me to speak to him about it, but i cant..... him rejecting me would be too much, so instead i prefer to wind myself up. What i need to do is distance myself.... yet i need what he does to me....