Hmmmmmmm thoughts

I have been thinking when really i should be working, should someone accept second best in this world of ours? I'm afraid i have become a bit elitist now, i know i have. In some sense this worries me, so what is really wrong in accepting someone that doesnt really tick all your boxes, are you ever really likely to meet someone that will become the be all and end all? Personally i cant really see it if im honest, and further i think that if you hold out for such you are denying yourself things which may not necessarily be as good as you would like, but would be good none the less.

Maybe one of the negative traits of individuals in this world is perfectionism? The majority of people i know are holding out for their perceived idea of what is perfect, the one who ticks all the boxes and nothing less will do. I can understand this, as i seek the same thing, but are we cutting off our noses to spite our face? Are we ever really likely to find that perfect match? I doubt it... we seek others on the premise of bdsm interests, if they match we then engage in communication. To have an expectation that they and vanilla interests will match up would be impossible, i find its usually one or the other. Hence i think my inclination to look for only D/s and to keep the vanilla separate....

I dont really know what 2009 will bring me in terms of D/s, i am looking for that all elusive D/s relationship, but im not willing to bend on my list of wants/needs. Yet saying that all i really want is a truly dominant man, a gentleman sadist and in reality such things are hard to come by. And here in lies my elitism, i will not even look at anything other than that. I think i have the right to be selective, after all what i give is my all, isnt that worthy of only the best? I think so... even if my perceived idea of what constitutes being the best is grossly distorted.

Today i have my corset on quiet tight, i have really been slacking over the christmas time, and now i am pre-menstrual so it's kinda making me feel sluggish and demotivated. But i have to get back into it, or else i will fall into a pattern of idleness. It would be so much better if i had someone holding the reins and motivating me, i dont mind doing this for myself ultimately, but it would be so much better if i was doing it under instruction.

I have posted in the past about my monthly cycle being a bit erratic of late, well i have recently been tested for thyroid problems, family history, and as the GP kindly informed me at my age i could be peri menopausal, bloody cheek i am only 21 after all. Suddenly the realisation that i am not quite as young as i would like to think i am has hit home.

Anyway....... thyroid has come back spot on, hormone levels were raised but were appropriate for someone who was mid-cycle, as i was at the time... apparently for hormones the time to test is day 3 in your cycle... so why didnt the GP advise me of this? So no doubt i will have to go for a repeat, bastards.. what a waste of time.... two other possibilities which im currently faced with, POCS... if i am i will go mad, i have had several pregnancy losses, one of which was an ectopic and if all it took was a simple blood test to establish i had this and they didnt bother im not going to be happy! Also the possibility that the waist training has caused my body to go into menopausal shock.... i dont think i am peri menopausal naturally as my cycles are not getting shorter which they would, and im not getting any other typical symptoms..... the POCS is highly likely grrrrr as is the menopausal shock? Possibly.... we shall see....