*groans.......... Mondays

Well i have been a tad busy over the weekend so thats why there has been no update. I still do not have the ballet boots and if im honest i havent done anything in regards to heel training. I NEED my boots!!

Sat was fun went to Subversion and took the boy with me, which was nice as we havent actually spent any time together in a long time and i think the relationship was beginning to feel the strain of that. I find it difficult topping when really all i want to do is submit, but then saying that when im in a D/s relationship as a submissive all i want to do is dominate, well not dominate but hurt people.

Anyway i was on form and we played quiet a bit and he didnt even bitch about it which makes a change.

Been talking to a female slave in canada, she's into body modification in a big way, though where as to me its about the aesthetics to her its a sign of her submission. Well it is to me also, but for her even more so, she blows me away with her commitment to ballet boots and waist training. Waist training we are on a par... but when it comes to the ballet boots she has gone past what ever i could ever see myself doing. She is wearing them all the time, 24/7, she wears them to work and she sleeps in a pair that have had the heels cut off.

It amazes me that someone would do this to themselves, she has been wearing for 2 years, she is 28. Her ligaments are now stretched to such an extent that she has to wear heels, and if she wears anything under 4" eventually it begins to hurt her. She has recently started wearing then to work and we are discussing this.

I also speak to her Master who is an american, but other than that he's cool. Its not D/s, its M/s and i can really relate to what they say... i think its ultimately where i see myself. Maybe when i learn to keep my mouth shut more..... but that level of control really blows my mind.... TPE. I think i need that, when i speak to others who offer less its like its not enough for me, maybe im just generally confused.... who fecking knows what it is that i seek and need, i sure as hell dont!!