Thoughts..

The intensity of D/s can only really be experienced when one has felt the complete selflessness that comes from engaging in activities that require a total exchange of power. Placing your mind, body and soul completely in the hands of another, to have such an unquestionable trust in that person. How can one say they have actually really experienced life if they have not ever felt what it is like to have the very essence of their life placed completely in the hands of another, to be completely at their will, and completely at their mercy?

I have been speaking to others who have not been happy with my recent escapades. "its not ssc". Well i have never really understood the principles of ssc, nothing much of what i do as a submissive, or a sadistic top, could really be considered safe. To me RACK, Risk Aware Consensual Kink, makes much more logical sense, yes im aware of the risks or else i wouldnt engage in the first instance. The fact i seek out Gentleman who i know will push me way beyond what many consider acceptable is another matter completely, and despite me trying to analyse this i have not yet been able to come up with a suitable cause.

Another problem identified with my recent session was that some Doms/sadists do not like to be pushed by the sub/masochist. Apparently my decision not to beg for release put him in a position where he had to act, i made him do what he did or else he would appear to be weak. I have not really considered that before, though if i think with my submissive head on he could do what ever the hell he wanted to do and it would have been ok with me... its his will. One 'friend' told me he would have let me down and kicked me out. I guess that would have been an indicator that i am actually more willing to go further than him... he would have felt powerless in the exchange. Fortunately the Gentleman i engage in such activities with is well experienced and didnt see it as such, he went as far as he had to go ... in the battle of our wills he won, and he always will. Though it has upset me a little that i could have not pleased him by my actions.

As a top i enjoy playing with people who have a little spirt, i do enjoy being pushed too. It makes it much more fun and rewarding when you finally take them down. I guess some men may feel threatened by this, and some wont. I do know the master i play with likes extremes and dark stuff, though i have never really discussed how far he is willing to go and what he expects from a submissive. Maybe it is time that i actually asked......

Im not sure why dominant males complicate such things......

"The definition of Insanity... Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Albert Einstein