Isnt it friday yet?

Well rather typically he was short and larger than one would hope, not only in terms of weight but he used to do this body building stuff and you can tell, and that kinda thing really doesn’t float my boat…. He was ok looking though, but the pout thing he does in his pics he does in real life..lol He got me pished.. 2 glasses of wine.. and did I ever shut up? Nope not at all, and did I happen to drop in the uber? Yup of course I did… anyway he has been in contact and I have been responding… do looks really matter? Today I have left my phone at home by accident so god knows who’s been in touch……… he’s a nice guy… but ….

One thing that has happened as a consequence, and something that I usually do, is that when I see other potential Masters it just makes me think of the uber, nothing comes close to him in terms of looks, body and what he can do to me. I don’t think there is anything about that man that is wrong…. He is just perfect! Well other than the fact he isn’t mine, or should I really say he isn’t interested in making me his….. People have said I need to tell him how I feel… but I cant, im so scared of rejection by him, not only that but if he isn’t interested then it will mean that I wont be able to see him again, and I cant allow that to happen. Nothing comes close to him and without that I would be so lost… maybe I would, maybe I wouldn’t…. maybe its just while I cling on to the thinking that he is so perfect it doesn’t allow me to open myself up to others?

History wise when I first started seeing the uber I told him what it was I was looking for, that was someone that I can see regularly with no other commitments, I wasn’t looking for a relationship I informed him, I just want regular casual. And here I am some 7 months later completely in awe of this man who has quite simply rocked my world and turned it upside down. How can I now say well actually I was wrong and I think I care more for you than you know I would be open to a relationship if you would like…. Then I would become that typical woman who does this, and that I cant do…. Plus he could well tell me to sod off….. why would he want a commitment with someone he gets all the best bits from already….. though the last time he saw me he did happen to mention that it had been the best orgasm that he had so far this year, and yes I know its very early on in the year… but that’s still good right… it means he enjoys what we do….. and surely that’s half way there? Or maybe im over thinking…. lol

Im in the mood for seeing him but I am being so busy with work Im unable….. and its going to be like this for the next couple of weeks. I need to focus on something else, I would normally say something or someone but to be honest thinking of someone else will be futile… the only other that could distract me is conkord and he’s actually ignoring me… I was supposed to ring him on Thursday night and I didn’t….. but I text him yesterday, only 5 days late, though it was quite rude something along the lines of are we gonna meet or what? And needless to say he so far hasn’t responded, guess I cant really complain about that.

My ballet boots are being delivered today… about time too!! So I have suddenly adapted this mindset of eating well… how strange I have been eating shit of late which hasn’t been helping with my weight, corset or high blood pressure…. Anyway today I have started… I have the incentive that I need.

Interestingly a girl whom I know in real life was speaking to me about my body modifications… im heavily tattooed and have a few piercing dotted around the place…. According to her, shes been raised in the lifestyle…..(im not saying she hasn’t, what I am saying is I suspect she talks a lot of crap) and she was brought up that a submissive should present herself as unblemished…. This is crap to me, some Masters will like tattoo’s and others wont… each to their own if they don’t it would be fair to say we would have very little in common… its just the way it is. I guess she’s been reading too many books on the subject.. the Gor ones more than likely. An interesting thing is though my body is quite strange to look at now. I have large boobs, 34E a very small waist 24” and large hips 40”… when I dress to go out I dress to impress, I have no problems finding Gentlemen despite my modifications, they are appealing and as I informed her the waist training and the heel training are in fact symbolic to my submission…. But… if a submissive has to be so perfect, so unblemished… why the hell is she a size 22? Not that I have anything against big girls as I see myself as being big too… but isn’t it kinda like the same thing.. if you have to present your self as being this ideal of being a desirable object then you wouldn’t self neglect your body from the inside…. Grumble, grumble…. Anyway my way is the one twue way so stuff what anyone else thinks….