enough my getting ready for this evenings little soiree has left me feeling a little uncertain of what the hell im playing at. Another late night on the internet meant I couldn’t be bothered to pack the things I need to take with me, a brief message exchange made me be aware I needed to be at my destination by 6pm not the 8pm I first assumed…. So I had to do it this morning…. I opened my kinky cupboard and eventually found my strap on and harness….got the leather straitjacket out, tried to cram it into my bag but I couldn’t get it in, shit… I need the other bag that still has all my bits and pieces in from the hunt… bugger… no pun intended, well ok maybe a little one.
Trying to get ready for work, organise kids and pack a whole host of pervertables in a bag unseen is not an easy task…. I end up leaving it all on my bed, not exposed and decide to take the kids to school then come home and do it…. I go down stairs and no sooner am I in the kitchen when I hear my eldest go upstairs and in to my room arghhhhhhhhhhhhh… so I shout at her “get out my room”. They think im mad, I detest shouting at them despite the fact I do it all the time. I just don’t want her to see whats on my bed, so I upset her…. I upset me… and my thoughts turn to is this shit really worth the grief I give my children.
I have to go shopping, we need lube and I need condoms… for the strap on.. so my basket contains my lunch, condoms, lube and latex gloves…. I do wonder if the checkout girl has any idea of why I require these things. “Have a good day” she say’s politely as I pay….. I look at her eyes and wonder if she could possibly have any idea of what it is that I will be doing later on…. I sit in my car with my thoughts going all over… why am I doing this….. is it worth it…. My head is on auto pilot now, I do it because I have said I will and I like to be reliable… ive said I’ll do it because I want to see if I can do this to someone im not attracted too and afterall he is paying for it… im going to do it because I need to see if I can.
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
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