Phew...

Had to write a report at work today and i have just finished it, its like the stress has just lifted off my shoulders. I like working under pressure, but detest it when i have very small time frames to do it in... plus this report will be picked apart by a prick of a solicitor.... quite funny really as the last time i saw this guy he was trying to be professional in a very informal meeting.. knob.... then after he emailed me that he thought he recognised me and started to roll off his jobs, fitness instructer, lawyer.. wanker.... i ignored it as it was wholey inappropriate and unprofessional, though very funny as when we're in front of the judge next week i will be able to smile sweetly and he's gonna feel like a prick, well either that or he is gonna completely make me work... so i had to make sure my report was spot on, and it is.... so bring it on!!

Last night i slept with my boots on for a couple of hours, i used the big toe pad and some other pad thing, then i wrapped my feet in bandages, then socks, then the boots... and yeah i could stand in them quite comfortably, could really feel the presure on my ankles though, normally i dont. I managed to walk around grasping hold of my cupboards as i did so.... the dog wasnt impressed with me stepping ovver him as he tried to sleep..lol Then i tried to sleep... but got pins and needles so had to take them off, it took a while for the feeling to come back into my foot, thats not good..... so need to loosen the bindings off a tad, could still do with a bit of foam padding in the toes..... but it was barable... but only for a short period. For the bondage the uber is going to do with me im going to need to be able to stand at least 30 mins to be able to do it the way he would do it. No quickly get in to it and take pics, then get out to save my feet..... phah i suspect he would want me to suffer at least a little bit.

Wasnt on line much last night... which is a good thing really, dunno why i waste my time with the idiots that are on loads...... i just need to focus on what im doing for me and feck everyone else.

My self esteem is back to where it should be, still not sure if it was sub drop or hormonal.... its bloody horrible feeling like that really. I cant for one moment imagine what it would feel like to feel like that all the time. Well i guess if i did i would try and find a suitable relationship where i didnt have to worry about other's. I actually seek out poly relationships because im bloody stupid, well not that really though obvioulsy i am.... but i do have a natural propensity to get jealous, the way i see it is if i get into relationships where i know they will be seeing other people then im less likely to get stupid.... i just dont want to see it right in front of me... anyway enough of that bollox....