Crimson

Weeeeeeeeeeell, crimson was a bit of a blast..... i played loads..... as in topped loads... and even did a girlie, that was quite nice actually as it allows me to be more caring and tender.... i dont bother so much with the boys, wham bam take it you fucker... if i can take it so can you..... but with the girlies one can be softer, though i dont think i was... but just generally be more caring... it was nice and i enjoyed it, especially when she started crying.... ive played with two girls in my time... and both cried....tis a good thing.

I want to be made to cry.... but im a stubborn bitch really... ive cried three times.... once when i cracked a joke to MrV and he didnt find it funny so he wallopped me around the face.... the shock just made me cry, i had never been hit around the face before, so that plus knowing i had displeased him... its funny now though, but it wasnt at the time.

The next time was when my nipples were being flogged with that bastard barbed wire flogger,... that really fucking hurt and cry i did. The third time was when the uber degraded me..... in such a delightful way that it makes me all hot and bothered thinking about it now..... fuck hes a bastard arghhhh... hmmmmmmmmmm

I have been talking about the caning i so desperately need.... there comes a point after dishing out so much pain that you need to receive it back... i need to be shown my place..... it equals me out... but why the cane when in reality i hate it..... well... one i know he likes it and he places the cane so carefully on your arse that you are left with the most delightful marks.... beautiful stripes.... and he canes hard, well i hope he will.... so that the marks will last for ages.... so to be marked by him with marks which should last *at least 4 weeks.. why the fuck wouldnt i want to do it? Seems perfect to me... then i can look at them and remind myself of him and what happend.... i can really see the appeal of receiving a perm mark... which is good as long as you stay together i guess.... and i do carry a scar from my first master.... and it means nothing to me now, it wasnt placed there as a perm reminder, it was placed there because he fucked up... so no special meanings at all.... in fact it was the begining of the end.

IM exhausted today.... im too old for this going out till the wee hours..... but while i still can and enjoy myself im gonna bloody continue doing it.... think i may go for a kip actually... maybe watch a little porn before hand... actually thats a point... i am not feeling horny.... summot is wrong im nearly always feeling horny and right now im not.... so im forcing myself to masturbate anyway.... lol i obviously need some real life stimulus to get me going.. its been so bloody long....
ETA:~ *when i said at least i actually meant up to.... flippin hell

B text me earlier, hes a guy who i met some time back, well a week or so ago and i like him, but he thinks i'll do a runner after a brief period of time as im so far in on the scene. I can kinda get that but if you like someone then you would give it a go? I think its just bollox, but in fairness to him we have continued to talk daily... which is odd. He contacts me and i contact him so its not all one sided. Anyway he sent me a message on ic and i looked at his profile to see hes added a girl from birmingham, he went up there last weekend. So i think im now understanding why hes not interested or am i? He someone you cant tell if he likes you or not, hard bloody work... so should i be worried? Nope.... but i like him and it made me feel a bit jealous, im not going to look at his profile again!!